Here I sit, a litany of things running through my mom brain.
I had planned a definite course that I was going to take you on today.
EXCEPT LIFE.
Some weeks are hard.
Like the weeks you get THAT phone call on THAT your daughter (who was driving on the highway in a snow storm at the time) had just seen a pickup truck go across both lanes, careen off the side of the road and flip over right in front of her. And your mom heart starts to race and you pray every prayer you can think of and you try hard to hold it together until she texts, “I’m here now.”
(I can almost hear a big collective mom sigh from all of you in my mom corner.)
But some weeks are plain-old extra hard.
On lots of fronts.
Not just the mom ones.
Things coming at you from all sides that you haven’t had space to process even though they are big things that NEED to be worked through.
Things that trigger the wounded parts of your precious heart.
Things that feel just downright wrong and you can’t wrap your head around.
Things that leave you exhausted and depleted and wondering if what you thought you believed is even true.
This is me. This week.
So here I sit, showing you this shadowy part of my mom life.
And my not-mom life.
The parts where I am raw and hurt and confused and angry and not over it yet.
The parts where I can’t make sense of how and why this is happening (again).
The parts where I have questions and doubts that bump up against my hopes and dreams.
And I don’t have it in me today to come up with…
…do this and it will magically be better
…try this and you will get all your emotional, mental and physical ducks in a row
…don’t eat, say, think or do this and life will be exactly what you hoped
We all have a mom life and we all have a not-mom life.
And we all have moments and days and seasons where it’s just extra hard.
Mom life or not-mom life.
And today, the some-time-ago words of said daughter who sent my heart a-racing on that snowy evening gently invite me into a sacred space of grace, “When life is extra hard, be extra tender with yourself, Mom.”
It's why I made myself a special cup of my most favorite tea…decaf Earl Gray with actual cream and real sugar AND a heaping dose of extra tender.
SIGH.