MY TOP TEN EPIC MOM FAILS (with some help from my kids)
“Some days I amaze myself. Other days, I put laundry in the oven.” (Moms Everywhere)
I am not sure if you will be horrified or happy when you read these. I mostly hope you feel like you aren’t the only one. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!
Here goes nothing (make sure you read with snarky voice in your head):
1. Letting nine-month-old “cry it out” during nap for 45 minutes only to find both legs stuck between crib rails after “giving in” and checking on baby (this was the olden days when this could actually happen).
2. Allowing (almost encouraging) 21-month-old to give “propped up” three-month-old sibling a ride in walker, smashing infant into kitchen cabinets, laughing hysterically and doing it again and again. (I hope I am remembering this wrong, but I doubt it.)
3. Forgetting about “RED DAY” in child’s kindergarten class. Only kid not wearing any red (except for a tiny spot on sneaker that child very sadly pointed to in desperation when the teacher asked what red they were wearing).
4. Leaving eight-year-old eating chips and watching movie in van with engine running, while watching freshman field hockey (van was kind of visible from side-line location. Checked on child at half-time).
5. Finding that our fourth child made own “memory verse chart” complete with stickers. (Believe this: there were numerous charts for the older three. One of the “OhMyGoodnessThisIsCrazy” moments of parenting!)
6. Forgetting to inform “pet sitter” about two tree frogs for week-long, very hot, summer vacation. End result: crispy critters.
7. Making 12-year-old babysit for 14 (yes, you heard that right) younger kids in basement while five couples have “Bible Study” upstairs for 2 hours every other week. (Reminded this week that 10- and 11-year-olds were hot-gluing sequins to their heads in said basement and forcing the 4- and 5-year-olds to be their servants.)
8. Leaving two middle school boys home alone with all the necessary equipment to make a blow torch in garage (think water gun, gasoline, and a BIC multi-purpose lighter).
9. Picking up tipsy teenager from a party and driving at midnight to Walmart to get a breathalyzer to no avail. Driving around until 1 am searching and finding a police officer, asking him to give test (NOTE: police officer did not comply). Driving home making threats of grounding for life.
10. Standing in driveway holding on to the hood of college student’s car, supposedly preventing college student (in mild – okay not so mild – argument with) from leaving. Doesn’t work (shocker). College student gets out and leisurely walks down street to awaiting friend’s car, while yours truly is screaming “don’t come back.” Topping it off, our neighbor most likely sees the insanity unfold in all its glory.
I hope this has brought you much laughter and grace for yourself and all the other moms you know (especially me). I need grace and kindness and love and to be told it will all be okay and we are all just a little desperate and nuts sometimes!
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to those of you who love your little, or not-so-little-anymore, kids and grownups.
You are doing a great job (and if you aren’t today or weren’t yesterday or might not tomorrow, take a moment to laugh at yourself just a little).