Even though the questions are easy, the situations are complicated. No two are the same and rarely is there a quick answer or fix. Rest in that.
This dilemma is part of being a parent, period. There's no getting out of it.
Other parents are in the same boat. We all need each other, not to judge and give solutions, but to listen and give grace.
Don't ask yourself if the decision is right or wrong, black or white, good or bad. Rarely are decisions that we make all one way or the other. That's an exhausting treadmill and only promotes fear, guilt and shame. Either decision will have both difficult and wonderful attached to it. Usually it's some combination of beautiful and messy.
Ask yourself these questions instead: What do I really need? Why do I want to help? What do they really need? Take the long-view and dig a little deeper.
Change your mind if you need to. Take the time to re-evaluate and get counsel from others. There is great freedom here.
Show yourself boatloads of grace no matter what you decide. Remind yourself that God loves both of you and He can come in and provide all that's lacking no matter what decision is made in the moment.
I leave you with my biggest one for this past six months because many days I just don't know what to do. This verse comes up every single day on my reminders. I pray it every morning:
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives GENEROUSLY and FREELY to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. (James 1:5) I don't think it ever ends. I am growing and being stretched and learning to love in a healthy, hope-filled, very complicated kind of way. I kind of like it.