Make intimacy (being fully-known and fully-loved) your over-arching goal. This will help create an environment of transparency and safety.
Do this exercise separately without your partner’s input. Be careful not to write what you think your partner would expect or want. Be as honest as you can and don't be afraid to have your voice be heard! (This comment is not for people like me who speak their voice loud and often.)
Compare answers with your partner. Notice what you have in common and where you differ. You might just be surprised at both!!
Provide a safe environment to discuss them and question each other with the goal of mutual agreement. This takes each person believing that expectations are not right or wrong, but different.
Create a new, mutual list that where you both feel heard and what matters most is there. This is a huge opportunity to move from "ME" versus "YOU" to "US."
***MAJOR CAVEAT*** Sometimes, there are things we cannot comfortably reach agreement with or compromise about. Here are some more thoughts for that scenario, which I promise will happen at some point in your journey of future expectations and decisions.
Take a moment to pray together and ask God for wisdom as you navigate the conflict. Ask Him for unity of spirit and heart.
Face the reality that some sacrifices are necessary for the sake of a loving, mutually satisfying marriage. This means that there are some things that are important to you but you will be choosing to give up , hopefully without any residual resentment or hostility.
Realize that letting those things go might be painful depending on how important it is to you. It may hurt and cause some emotional distress. You may have to grieve what isn't going to happen.
Understand that there will be losses and there will be many gains. What IS going to happen may even be better than what isn't going to happen.
Trust the process. There is great hope and true intimacy (being fully-known and fully-loved) may just be the outcome, especially if you've made that your goal from the beginning. That's what we all want anyway. What's it gonna be like for your marriage? What's your FORECAST for the future? No matter where you are on your journey, there is always hope for greater healing and wholeness! I pray that your FORECAST would be bright!