Not sure about you, but the last month of pregnancy was just the worst.
Well-meaning people asking, “are you still here?”
Babies sitting either up near my ribs making it nearly impossible to take a deep breath or right on my bladder (and you know what that means).
Wanting it all to be O.V.E.R.
I was heavy. And uncomfortable.
(As a friend reminded me just yesterday.)
HEAVY.
The added weight from all things baby.
The sheer exhaustion of carrying the extra load around.
The emotions I could not corral inside myself.
UNCOMFORTABLE.
Constantly shifting positions to get some desperately-needed sleep.
Not being able to cut my toenails.
Obsessing over the unknown and that out-of-control feeling.
But I wasn’t just those things.
I was also waiting for something big. Something good that would change everything.
The past four weeks, I’ve been thinking lots about Mary (the mother of Jesus) like never before.
How she was heavy. And uncomfortable.
Just like me.
Pregnant just like me.
Waiting for something big and good just like me.
As you know, I’m not pregnant and will never be again.
At least not physically.
But I have felt very “pregnant” the last many months.
It’s been the worst.
I’m asking myself, “are we still here?”
Calm is hard to find. Inside and out.
Wanting it all to be O.V.E.R.
I am heavy. And uncomfortable.
HEAVY.
Overwhelmed with the weight of all.the.things.
Exhausted from the constant carrying of burdens too big for me.
A myriad of emotions, some of which I can’t even identify.
UNCOMFORTABLE.
Shifting, sorting, wondering. Always adjusting.
Unable to find settledness of soul.
Obsessing over the unknown and that out-of-control feeling.
I bet you have too.
But I know that something big is coming. Something good that will change everything.
This “pregnancy” of mine will eventually come to an end.
Yours will too.
It's the promise we hold on to together.
And
Life.
Hope.
Light.
Joy.
Love.
Will be born anew.
Merry Christmas my mama friends. I'm so grateful for you.