There's this bad driver in my life.
She's there, steering me down a road that DOES NOT lead me where I really want to go: the space of being a good and healthy mom, one who navigates the roots of unconditional love and the wings of freedom well.
Her name: CONTROL.
And you know who she's got in the back seat?
A not-so-little thing called MY FEAR.
Because you know what?
I love these people of mine and they can hurt me.
And that scares the bajeebers out of me.
But back-seat driver MY FEAR and I've-got-the-steering-column CONTROL are horrible places to make mom decisions from. They take me on a never-ending traffic circle where they go faster and faster until I am left in a dizzy heap.
So what the heck is a fraidy-cat mom to do? Me in particular?
I'll tell you a little story about something me, myself and I did.
The saying, “Nothing good happens after midnight,” was something I trounced on.
In our state, a new driver had to be home by 11 pm, so until they were 18, I didn’t have to make a curfew. The law did that. But at 18, it was no holds barred, so I implemented the midnight curfew.
And here's how I did it.
“Look, I know that I can be controlling, and it’s a big struggle for me, but I want you to know that it’s mostly because I’m afraid.”
Yup. I called out my own no-good driver(s) in front of them.
“I know you would like a mom who is not afraid, but I’m working on it. So bear with me. Your curfew is going to be midnight. I need sleep and I can’t sleep until you are home. It’s not what I want, but it’s true right now. I also want you to know that it’s going to be a process that I will have to work out as you go to college and come home on breaks, but for now, this is where I have landed.”
It wasn't perfect, but it was good. Enough.
And it was done with LOVE. For them. And for me.
The road is still super bumpy and bad drivers and better drivers fight over the steering wheel.
CONTROL and MY FEAR sometimes grab hold.
But I keep working at it.
And constantly remind myself that, in the end, LOVE is the best driver of all.