Am I a Failure?


“What do you want to be when you grow up?” a question I was asked as a child over and over again.


Even now, I find myself again in the middle of that process, attempting to decipher my own future goals and mission.


Sometimes it’s frustrating. I see where, who or what I want to be and where, who or what I am right now. It feels like there is a great chasm between the two.


The journey, even if it is clear, falters at times.


I go down rabbit trails that lead to dead ends.

The direction or even just the next step to take is foggy at best.

I don’t know who or what to trust, even myself.

I make outright mistakes.


Often, I get trapped into whispering these horrible words to myself: “you are a failure.” It seems hopeless.


There are times I even want to throw in the towel, say “uncle,” give up.


But God sends Himself in the form of kind friends and teachers and authors and song-writers who speak grace to my discouraged heart.


“It’s just not true, My child. You are never a failure. You are always a learner.”


It doesn’t matter if I am 20ish (I wish), 50ish (YUP), or even 80ish. The pieces that aren’t working or feel like they are thwarting me are crucial to understanding, growing, and moving forward.


God is carefully weaving them into the process of getting me further on the path to where, who and what I want to be.


I wonder what next beautiful discovery is on the horizon. I wonder what I will learn in the next day, week, month or decade that will bring me further towards the vision God has for me.


How exciting to sit in all that wonder, in the space of the yet-to-be-known, but also the sacred place of trusting now.


This is holy ground.

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