Peace. Wisdom. A house that's in order. More connection with Allen. Clear direction on next steps with this whole blog/writing/communicating thing. Support from others. The sun. My kids to be okay. To "TEND" to the right things - to find the balance between others and self. Compare notes. Many are the same. Some are different already. I wonder why.
(Take a break and make first cup of tea with cream and sugar in 46 days. (It'd better be all I dreamed it would be.) Be back at around 11. Need to go sit and stare and drink for a while.)
(Tea is okay and I am distracted by phone call from insurance company and FaceTime with Sarah and Broden. Flip on TV and watch CSI for 15 minutes. Tell myself this isn't what I want to be doing right now. Turn off TV and come back to paper. After all, I am going to write this down and share with world.)10:43 am See next question. WHO DO I WANT TO BECOME? Add this: WHAT DO I WANT TO BECOME? WHAT? Wise, gentle, tender-hearted, less judgmental and more gracious. Integrated. Free. WHO? A better wife. An influential communicator.
(Rachel walks in the door after breakfast with Allen. Have a sweet heart-to-heart for a few minutes. Insurance company calls back. Sabbath is hard to come by.) Compare notes again. Notice that tender-hearted, wife and communicator are on both lists. They must be important this year. How does "TEND" fit in to them? Hmmm. Let me think on that. No rushing.
(Pee and send a "happy birthday" message to my sweet friend Annie! Make myself a smoothie. Watch more CSI while I drink my smoothie.)
(Didn't work out so great watching CSI. Sarah needed me for a few minutes. #babiesarehard)12:26 pm Look at definition of "TEND" again. "To apply oneself to the care of, watch over, cultivate. To stand by something. To take charge of as a caretaker, overseer." Those three words: tenderhearted. wife. communicator. Am I to tend to these God? Oversee them? Take charge of them? The phrase, "GO DEEPER BEFORE YOU GO WIDER" keeps coming into my mind and heart. I can't seem to shake it. How does that play in? Half-thought: Roots of plants need to go deep into the rich and nourishing soil (see pic above) before they go wide and bear fruit. I want so desperately to bear fruit, but I probably need to "tend" to receiving the rich nourishment from God Himself in the deep places of my soul first. Sarah had that whole phrase in college from Colossians 2:7 about this very thing. "BE ROOTED (in Christ)." More hmmm.
(Call insurance company back. Check in on Sarah again. All is well there. Lay down and finish this one dang episode of CSI.)
(A friend texts. Ask her if she can wait a little while before I call her back. Head back to process.)1:41 pm Review my final notes in the process of choosing my WOTY. Rewrite all the "tend" things that I don't want: preTEND - ingenuine conTEND - try harder (doesn't take a rocket scientist to know this just does not work) disTEND - enlarge from internal pressure (this goes along with try harder...ugh!) hyperexTEND - expand beyond a safe point (this is the hardest for me) Also, rewrite the things I do want: atTEND - be present exTEND - make wider (Be careful on this one. Deeper before wider.) inTEND - direct mind on I think I am done for this quarterly check-in. My heart is directed to these three: tenderhearted (oh my goodness, that even has the word TEND inside it), wife (be present, go deeper and direct mind on this one), and communicator (write to "express not to impress"). I believe I might just be friends again with my WOTY. I need to take a nap now (but first, that phone call with a friend who needs some tending...I know it's my Sabbath, but I'm not the most perfect at keeping it as you've all just witnessed). Then a much-needed nap.